Happy Halloween

That's me with my first friend, Kerri. At the tender age of 3 I was already prepared for womanhood. I'm Yoda bitches!

Damn how things have changed...Malibu Barbie's got nuthin on me!

Gray-Haired Geisha Girl

In my Manhattan door-man building, resides over a thousand New Yorkers. All from various walks of life, different career choices and a range of ages. I live quite close to a hospital, and so we tend to have a breed of doctors, nurses, and dentists as well as students studying nearby. All have one thing in common; they rent. No one is here to make a permanent nest. No one is long term. That said, there is one resident, who stands apart from the masses. One who I would never have expected to occupy these living quarters at her age and oddity. My roommates and I have dubbed her the Gray-Haired Geisha Girl.

I first spotted the tiny woman on my street corner coming home one evening as the sun was setting. She stood, hunched over in her plaid blazer and black pants, with her short gray hair combed neatly around her face. She wore white face powder on her aging wrinkled features, and crimson-red lipstick on her full lips. As the glowing man appeared on the traffic sign, she began to scurry quickly towards the building. Quiet tiny steps she took, as she made her way through the grand entrance and passed the doorman with a nod.

I thought it was peculiar to see a woman in this day and age wearing such vivid white face powder. It immediately made me think of the Japanese Geisha girls I learned about in my history classes at school. They used to wear make-up such as this to look attractive for their many men. It was all very interesting...But what the heck was one doing HERE... in NYC... in MY apartment complex?

I saw the Gray-Haired Geisha Girl for the second time at the pharmacy. I was there picking up a few items when I heard a little squeaky voice cry out to the cashier in a language I could not quite comprehend. I stood in awe as the miniature woman attempted to be understood in her foreign tongue. I wanted to help her, explain to the cashier what it was that she needed, but I obviously had NO clue what this seemingly crazy lady needed or desired. I decided to back off and walk down an isle to find hair products, when I felt a tap on the lower part of my back.

"Excuse...EXCUSE!" She said as she pushed passed me, clearly on a mission to have someone who worked there understand her. "Sure..." I said, as I moved sideways for her to pass. Down the isle she teetered until she disappeared around the corner. Wowza, I thought...What is this woman looking for that is causing such chaos?!

Upon dishing this amusing gossip to my roomies while lounging on the couch one evening, D shot up and exclaimed: "Oh my God, that is totally the same lady on my elevator every morning! Whenever I get in, she motions me over and grunts to tell me where to stand! Then starts petting me and looking me up and down!" We all collapsed in giggles as we heard this outrageous story being told of the morning elevator journey. But I will admit, a small part of me did not quite believe D-Roomie until today.

I finally had the determination to drag my sleepy bones out of bed early this A.M. to see the graceful Manhattan sunrise along the water. I have only seen it two other times here, and one was because I was coming home. I dressed quickly and exited the apartment. As the elevator doors opened, there she was staring at me.

"AY!" She yelled. (I'm assuming that means I'm allowed to get in?) She motioned for me stand next to her. I viligantly obliged. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her look up and down in my direction. (D-Roomie was right...She's giving me the once over!) Suddenly a hand came towards me and I froze. I had NO idea what this woman was about to do, but I had no mind to dare vex her. She began patting down my jacket, seeming to care how it fell on my frame. Then, with one quick swoop she reached up and untucked the hair that had snagged itself inside my scarf. Fast as a whip, it was set free and untangled. "Ahhhh" Gray-Haired Geisha Girl murmured. She began stroking my hair so that it lay straight down my back, all the strands in the same direction. I heard: "O-OK.." (Was I done? Did I...Pass?) Just as I was wondering what this woman could possibly do next to fix my apparently disheveled appearance, the elevator doors swung open to the ground floor. She looked up at me and smiled, "OK...Good-Bye" she sharply stated. And off she trotted out the entrance. I stood in disbelief for an instant, going over what had just happened.

Why had she told me where to stand in the elevator? Why had she petted and groomed me? I just didn't get it...Why was this little old woman such an enigma?

I wonder if any of us will ever know.

DC4C 4ME

OK so its late and I'm headed to sleep after an "emo-riffic"(thx AJ & D) and moving performace from Death Cab tonight!

When I first came home I was really pumped and almost felt compelled to hit the town with friends, but for some reason decided to bail and go solo. But I do feel like I have this amazing energy inside me at the moment! I need to DO something...or something... Every person who has talked to me since leaving the show has asked me what the deal was or if I have some secret to share...I guess the tone in my voice suggests that I have something inside wanting to come out.

I'm trying to get into sleep mode at the moment but its just not happening (actually maybe it was that Hershey's bar I just devoured thats keeping me awake? Nevermind that..)

They opened with...Say it with me people: Marching Bands of Manhattan... go figure! Then they hit The New Year and afterwards decided to listen up to the voices in MY head that wer chanting my all-timer, Title & Registration. The show was a mix of new and old and had a few songs that I had never really heard before.

I love when I go to a live performance and completely get lost in the night...lost in time. I feel so free and I want to say I zone out, but honestly, I actually think I zone in.

As I listened to one of the best performances of We Looked Like Giants, the beat and the sounds and everything working together, pulled me into this wildly romantic state. Gibbard sings about being young and in love, and doing it for the first time in the back of a grey sub compact...2 hot sweaty bodies fumbling around in this enclosed, uncomfortable space. Yet the mix of harsh and soft tones seemed to beg me to see the pure tenderness and allure in it all.

This reminded me of something A.Myn said to me the other day: "I am not at all a romantic...I look at things logically and disect the hell out of everything."

I understand disection, damn I think I over analyze myself into a frenzy at times, but not have romance?

That is a facet of my life that I cannot deprive myself of...


*Update*
Set List from Hammerstein Ballroom 10.20.05:
Marching Bands Of Manhattan
The New Year
Why You'd Want To Live Here
Title and Registration
Photobooth
Soul Meets Body
Summer Skin
For What Reason
Company Calls
Crooked Teeth
Different Names For The Same Thing
Amputations
Movie Script Ending
What Sarah Said
We Looked Like Giants
The Sound Of Settling

Encore:
I Will Follow You Into The Dark
Expo' 86
Prove My Hypothesis

Unexpected Mainstream Mirth

Around 4 today I got an email from a co-worker asking me what I was doing later that evening. Not much, seeing as though it was 'Step Challenge Wednesday' at Crunch. Then I got the offer. Would I want to take a chance and try to sneak into the Rob Thomas show tonight?

Um....HECK YES! I live for this kind of stuff nowadays... The sneaky, adrenaline pumping, 'your not supposed to do that', 'thats not how you play the game' kind of stuff. Mainly because my whole life up until recently, when I moved to Manhattan, I did play the game the way it was supposed to be played. I was that girl that always followed the rules. Not to mention the fact that I always seem to plan every minescule activity in my work week and weekends.

I shot D-Roomie an e-mail to see if she would be interested and also added... Who the heck was Rob Thomas? She laughed at me and said I totally knew who he was and probably heard tons of his songs. I thought long and hard and came up with: 'Oh...Wait, is he the dude from Machbox 20? That crap is sooooo mainstream!' She laughed again and told me to shut it, that she was in LOVE with him. Whatever, who am I to pass up free live music?

Hopping on the subway after work, we ventured back up to the theater, where we had been the other week. We were getting to be navigational pros. We met my co-worker Doni & his GF Lane, and then met a few of Lane's friends who were also ready to take on the sly operation. D-Roomie and I stood on the corner, waiting for Doni to wave us over. We slid through a side entrance at the front of the theater, two at a time as not to draw attention to our sizeable group. That was the hard part and it was over already. Once inside, Doni mumbled something to D-Roomie and up the stairs she fled, with me on her heal not asking a single question. The two of us went all the way to the top without speaking, the nose bleed section was to be our hide out. Once there, we cozied ourselves into a little nook in the side corner, making sure to be out of the way for people who actually had seats. Down we went, indian-style on the concrete. Our co-conspirators where staked out in other various areas of the spacious theater.

Robby Boy hit the stage singing his heart out and had a full back up band and tamborine singers (not to mention one hell of a tight pair of unflattering jeans. Sorry had to mention). Oh yeah... I know this one...and this one too! Floored by the fact that I was actually bopping along to some good beats, I shouted and sang to the familiar tunes. When it was all over with, D-Roomie and I leisurely made our way out the exit sign with the rest of the cattle herd and met up with our accomplices. We had done it, maneuevered our way right in and out with such simplicity.

What an unforseen, unpredictable evening. That's one thing I love about Manhattan. Anything is possible (cliche but true). Tomorrow I will be getting psyched up for the Death Cab For Cutie concert... The event I have tickets for, and have been planning to go to for months now.

Rock on...

Sunrises & Oranges

I finally got in this evening after a grueling red-eye flight and strugglesome half day of work, from a visit with Daddy-Doo and N down south. After a completely relaxing weekend yet crazy Monday, I am now sleepily envisioning curling up like a kitten in my satin and down blankets and calling it an early night. But an early night is something I am getting pretty familiar with lately...

In the land of 50+ Day-Dreamers it is easy to forget that a public place, such as a bar, could ever be open as late as, dare I say it...2am?! Mainly because at that hour of the night, you have been tucked away in your cozy air-conditioned bedroom for at least 4 hours, eagerly anticipating the next serene sunrise and warm cup of java you will soon be tasting while watching in wonder...(and in fond company might I add). The fear of turning in early and "missing something" does not exist in the slightest, and there is no pressure for deadlines or last minute to-do's.

It is not that activities and libations are rushed or overlooked here, it is just that they are approached and embraced much earlier in the day than someone of my (20-something) nature is used to. Yes- I caught myself at 2pm on Sunday, down by the pool with wine glass in hand; perfectly happy and content sipping away in the warm, sunny afternoon splendor. Mini rides on the golf cart (cup in hand)... Dinner to follow, where seafood abounded. And although nothing was rushed and a festive time was had by all, we were home, comfortable and content as the sun set.

I found it so easy to lose myself in the day, forgetting where I was or how long I'd been there (and this was NOT due to the wine, I swear!)... It was due to the utter beauty and simplicity of the world around me. With endless activities at your fingertips and such appealing scenery, it seemed effortless to get caught up in a moment and enjoy its every essence.

The greenery was a fascination in itself. Gardenias, forsythias and those vividly colored tropical flowers, seen on all Hawaiian shirts worn by Jimmy Buffet fans around the globe! And lets not forget about the Palms...I've attempted to chain myself to those intensely amazing trees more times than I'd like to recollect! And lastly, the fruit trees: Grapefruit...Oranges...All in nature's setting. Simply spectacular and always managing to taste so much sweeter than anything you could pick up at the farmer's market or Whole Foods.

Another interesting aspect of southern gulf living is its wildlife. I secretly think my Father likes to believe that they are the only house on the block, and the jungle is their backyard (if a jungle means a golf course anyway). I hear word of gators, bobcats, snakes, fire ants, dolphins, pelicans, manatees, box turtles and wild pigs...All I can say is thank goodness for those early morning lawn mowers and course manicurists to keep watch and scare these ferocious animals far from the view of civilians!

This past weekend may very well have been the shortest vay-cay I've ever taken, but finally being with my Dad & N in their tropical surroundings, gave me as much pleasure as a long jet-set out to Alanna Land... And that's a tough standard!

Singin' In The Rain?

On this utterly gloomy morning, I hit the snooze button twice before hurling myself out of bed at the blurry sight of my alarm clock. Luckily, the game of dress up in front of my unflattering mirror did not take hold of me, and I ran out the door with umbrella in hand in the hopes that I wouldn't necessarily have to open it, like the previous grey days we have been encountering here in Manhattan.

Complete wishful thinking.

I believe the phrase is torrential Downpour', which is a sufficient way of describing what was happening... Although I personally prefer:

'Who- The- Fuck- Would- Actually- Step- Foot- Outside- Their- Apt- In- This- Soggy- Mess- And- Believe- They- Wouldn't- Get- Creamed- By- Gazillion- Mile- An- Hr- Winds- And- Pelleting- Rain- Drops- Being- Shot- From- The- Gods- Above'?

Um, yeah. That might about sum it up. Oh, and I have the answer...ME.

Out I trenched into the boisterous inclement weather, thinking I could take refuge under my darling little daisy umbrella with pretty green leaves and bright yellow hues. I got as far as the corner before the damn thing flipped upwards sending me flying in all directions. It's days like this I wish I had memorized the bus schedule or could find an empty cab...But no such luck.

By the time I reached the subway I was entirely soaked from the waste down. My cute little sling-backs were acting like squeaky sponges under my toes and my bag which dipped concavely ever so slightly, made for a terrific bowl, capturing raindrops until it overflowed onto my hip... Sweet.

As the anger and disgust started to build up inside of me, I turned the corner to notice one of the cutest guys Manhattan has been hiding. He was geared up from head to toe with rainslicker and umbrella yet still managed to keep a bounce in his step. We exchanged quick glances and that is when it hit me... I was wearing an enormous, unappealing, unflattering FROWN! I gasped- Oh no, he thinks I'm pissed off! But I AM! But...WHY?! Ugh..., I thought to myself. Damn it, am I really that much of a New Yorker already? WHY am I letting a little bit of rain get to me?

Upon realization of my terrible mood, I vowed to turn the other cheek. I scurried into my office like a wet rat approaching shelter. Today is a good day, I decided. Rain brings just the right excuse for a brand new, DRY ensemble! And so, off I went to shop!

I am ME

Do you ever feel like you can be so many things to different people? Like the way you sometimes act can depend on who is around you or who you are spending time with? It is not that I change myself to accomidate others, or pretend I'm something I'm not...It's just that maybe certain people can sometimes bring out different aspects of my personality.

My fear then lies in the event that all these poeple, who have experieneced me in such different ways, will somehow all end up together, in the same room. Then what would happen? Its a frightful feeling to see these faces of those who you know have seen you in no other way than anyone else has. That you were unique to them and the expereinces you shared. And when you are suddenly faced with seeing them all at once, its like you want to stop...turn around...and run for it! Run away as fast as you can, so you don't have to explain. I feel like I am afraid that some big secret will be leaked out...leaving people like my Mother awestruck or my friends bewildered and perplexed...

This is something that crosses my mind anyway.

But then, I have days like today. Where I am unstoppable. Where I am ME in my purest essence. For this short time, I am not analyzing myself or afraid of who may judge me. I am not looking at myself or caring how I seem. I am simply me. Noboy can bring me down or keep me from basking in the rays of Alanna Land. No matter who it is, where we are in our interactions, or how familiar the face may be. I just can't help getting over all that... the formailities life brings, and just speak my mind. I almost feel like I've revealed too much, maybe I should stop and reassess the situation? But I have to continue...I NEED to continue. This optimistic force from within me is pushing its way out. Through my eyes, through my lips, it gushes and beams. I am free. I am ME.

John Mayer Trio, Live @ The Beacon, NYC 10.6

The concert was phenominal...I was truly blown away.

What Would You Say To John?

So, not only have I established that I am extremely content and at ease with the changing of seasons taking place inch by inch, day by day, leaf by leaf in this big city...But I also have other cause for grins and extreme sudden outbursts of joy this week=

John Mayer Trio!..Playing tonight!...at the Beacon!

I am amazed with myself for not only disregarding the use of capital letters when writing those last few words, but also that I did not insist on placing my all too characteristic parenthesis next to each one, explaining my exact thought or emotion as the words escaped my lips!

I have been looking forward to this concert for months now, way before the tickets could be pre-ordered or had even gone on sale! I will come clean: I am in udder facination, wonder and amazement with John. Is it because I think he's a looker? Eh, not terribley...although I will admit he has the height thing going for him, which I totally dig. But more over, its all about the music baby...intense, profoundly felt lyrics with just the right ring of acoustics and melody to take you prancing from one upbeat tune to the next, which might just happen to be a love song (for no one) or a ballad of heartache and (split screen) sadness. Yes, there is something refreshingly familiar and yet freeing about his songs that can always seem to ease me into my day or accompany me home on a Quiet (sunday) evening. John's passionate words also have faint elements of tenderness, sadness, and nastalgia that have a way of tugging at my soul, possessing my mind and offering up remembrance, precious day dreams and sweet fantasies. Therefore you can understand my absolute enthusiasm that I will once again get to hear these songs live, with John himself present before my gleaming eyes.

OK, now I know this sounds silly, and you will probably start cringing (as my friends did when I started in on this) but what happens if by some miraculous twist of fate I wind up actually MEETING John Mayer and am even allowed to....SPEAK to him? WHAT then? WHAT THEN? OK. Let me catch my breathe before I proceed. To be truthful, this is a very serious question I have been asking myself for the last month, ever since the purchase of those Orchestra seat tickets. I mean, I will be right up front, where all the action goes down, where all the magic happens and an opportunity for eye-flirting possibly? Hey, ya never know sistas. Anyway, after giving it some thought, I really don't think I would wind up saying half of all the real things I would like to say to him ie: "I am INFATUATED with you, stalk your website, have your music on repeat on my Pod etc. etc..... No. I do believe that might scare ANY typical mild mannered 20-something fleeing in the opposite direction. I instead, opt to take the "play it cool" approach, and breezily say "Yo, I totally DIG your music." Plain and simple...Bare minimum...Lay it on the line.

So now that I know what I would say, what about YOU? What would YOU say to John? (please include copywrites if you DO NOT intend to allow me to steal your good answers if I do, infact meet John Mayer)

Time to Geek Out: My favorite song by John Mayer is "Lifelines" followed by "Sucker" - John Mayer Trio favorite "Vultures"

Pumpkin Spice

Today around 2pm, I had my normal afternoon slump and decided to get outside for some fresh air. As I pushed open the double wooden doors onto West Broadway, a cool, crisp wave of air rushed towards me. "MMmmmm, fall!" I thought to myself. Perfect weather; highly suitable temperatures for walking down Soho streets in the cutest of fashions: Layer upon layer, color upon color, texture upon texture, and no chance of overheating as I book it in high gear towards my desired destination.

On this particular day, my destination happened to be Starbucks on Spring Street, across the street from Balthazar. Not normally a Starbucks advocate (especially in the summer season), I was strangely in the mood for a fat free latte...possibley sugar free carmel or vanilla. "Calcium = Fabulous." I realized...I am not normally a milk drinker of any kind, so a bit of the warm steamy substance would only do my body and bones some healthy goodness.

As I made my way down the road towards the bold, green, globally-generic sign I tried to think of all the reasons why I loved this new season now upon us. The cool autumn wind, the faint subtle smell of a wood-burning stove (even in New York City), the spectacular sights of the fall folliage in Central Park, with a range of radiant colors stretched out over natures landscape, and finally, one can't forget fall football. Yes, there was definitely a sense of comfort during these upcoming months. And I only hoped to myself that these feelings of comfort I've felt in years past, would continue to be present...with me on my own...fending for myself...single in the city. But I quickly realized the obsurdity in such thoughts, and it was easy for me to quickly push them away and reassure myself that this feeling of happiness that fall has already begun to bring me would only grow stronger.

Upon entering Starbucks I noted right away, the Pumpkin Spice latte featured on their "Specials" board. That was it..."Sold!" I thought. It just so happens that my two favorite drinks at Starbucks happen to be the Gingerbread Latte at Christmas time and the Pumpkin Spice for fall. Taking the first sip was like greeting an old friend. Someone you know incredibley well, but haven't caught up with in ages, and are acheing to do so. Warmth came over my body and spices lingered on the tip of my tongue. And then, an interesting thing happened... I went back.

Back in time to 2 years past. I was commuting from Bedford, taking the Metro North Harlem line into Grand Central every morning and vice versa ever night. The city was new, fresh, uncharted and arrousing to my every senses. I stopped at the Starbucks in Grand Central often then, having a cup to carry with me on my morning commute. Flashes of imagery flew before me: the immense seafoam green ceiling, the rush of commuters I would breeze past, the stop light at which I waited before crossing the street to make my trek down Park Avenue to my office on 38th St. The family I was among and felt apart of...the boyfriend I was in love with and saw frequently...the weekend drives home to visit my own family on Long Island...All of these things flashed through my mind.

That is when I felt it: An ache in my chest, slowly digging deeper and deeper. The yearning to go back to those days...For the city to still offer that same spark (not that the feeling is utterly lost, but the novelty does begin to wear), for the warm smiles I would greet every evening after a long day to suddenly appear and embrace me, for the boyfriend that gave me such companionship and happiness to once again be holding my hand, and for my car which represented my freedom to be at my beck and call for escape.

And so I sat at my empty table in Starbucks... Remembering...Sipping... Evaluating... So many changes have taken place in my life over the past few years. It has almost seemed like a whirlwind compared to the years before post-graduation, when changes were not nearly as monumental in comparison. But as I sat and pondered, I caught myself. It is very easy while remembering, to allow Change to sadden you. Make you crave the familiarity of the past. But then I realized how many of these changes I have inflicted on my life due to my own desires and free will. I was always in charge... Treking along on my journey and making the choices for myself. Figuring this out in my moment of clarity, it wasn't Sadness I was feeling any more... It was Pride. Pride from looking back and seeing such drastic changes and knowing that it all came down to one person. Whether decisions were right or wrong, conscious or subconscious they were my own...

While walking out of the bustling Starbucks and back into the invigorating sunshine, I let out a little laugh. Autumn is here again, and I am happy... All it took to see this, was a sip of Pumpkin Spice.

(Deep) Plans

So I'm obsessed with Death Cab's new album "Plans". It came out a few weeks ago and they will be in my neck of the woods soon on tour. I'm totally psyched to see them live again! The last time I saw them they were amazing and that was before I even knew less than a handful of their songs.

This band has really developed themselves into true artists in my book. What I'm finding so utterly fascinating and wondrous with their latest set is that it is extremely well themed. Now I'm not talking Maria's "The Emancipation of Mimi"-themed, or BEP's "Elephunk"/"Monkey Business"-themed....No, not even "A Rush of Blood to the Head" that Coldplay ever so gently unravels... Strangely enough, I am finding that the theme Death Cab For Cutie embraces with their latest music captures crucial elements in the softest and loudest entwining possible, and reveals these elements in such a way, that the artistic license of the musicians is a presence known and felt. Oh, annnnd it's deep stuff.

Dealing with the idea of living in the moment, to planning the future, to the realization that you are aging, and then finally, preparing for death. The band does a great job of setting you on a journey when you listen to the album, sort of like an emotional roller coaster to which they control the speed. Sending you from one thought and emotion to the next as the songs progress, until you are at the final song... The final destination.

Anyway it is interesting to me that they released these songs upon the onset of the autumn season. I find fall to be my favorite time of year, for comfortable weather conditions, but also because I find it to be the time of year when I'm both most at peace, and most contemplative. Having "Plans" shuffling around in my iPod as autumn appears, is offering me that same emotional contradiction. Making me both ravenous to hear another song or play on repeat, but also bringing me an aching feeling in my soul, stirring up conflict and thoughts about myself... My life... My future.

I guess what I am realizing is that on my own personal level, I am relating to most of these themes, and yearning to relate to the ones that I cannot yet fathom. But just as the autumn weather is suddenly upon us, so is this immense amount of energy from within my soul... Awaiting to burst, be extracted and set free. So I will listen... I will contemplate... I will enjoy my most comfortable season... and await for my eyes to open. Those are MY plans, at least.

--
I want to live where soul meets body - and let the sun wrap its arms around me - and bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing - and feel, feel what its like to be new - cause in my head there’s a greyhound station - where I send my thoughts to far off destinations - so they may have a chance of finding a place - where they're far more suited than here - I cannot guess what we'll discover - between the dirt with our palms cut like shovels - but I know our filthy hand can wash one another's - and not one speck will remain - I do believe it's true - that there are roads left in both of our shoes - and if the silence takes you - then I hope it takes me too - so brown eyes I hold you near - cause you're the only song I want to hear - a melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

where soul meets body

I do believe it'’s true - that there are roads left in both of our shoes - and if the silence takes you - then I hope it takes me too - so brown eyes I hold you near - cause you'’re the only song I want to hear - a melody softly soaring through my atmosphere