Cruisin' for a Bruisin'?

So now that it has been fully established that I have quite my job; up and left a place of employment that has been carrying my 2.5 years of existance in Manhattan... What is a girl to do?

Well, I'll tell you what this girl is to do...

Book a cruise!

And not just any cruise here people- A cruise set to sail to the tropical (and magical) Caribbean! I'm talking Puerto Rico, the Dominican Republic, oh and don't forget some Bahamas thrown in for good measure! I was totally excited! That is, until I told my mother about my plans...

"Your going WHERE ALONE????" I can hear her words echoing in my mind. High pitched, loud, but not quite a scream. "But MOM, I'm an INDEPENDANT WOMAN! I can take care of myself and I've been wanting to do something like this for a long time now!" I felt my voice start to crack as I resorted back to the days of being 6 years old and whimpering as I awaited my parents permission.

"ALANNAJOY- It is NOT a good idea for you to be doing this on your own... You are going to make me worry like MAD!"

Was she right? Can I handle this trip alone?

I began to second guess everything I had just planned. Thoughts of water sport accidents without travel insurance, and beings stranded at a far off port as the cruise ship quietly sailed away... or even being attacked by a stranger on a dark chilly, windy night began to seize and corrupt my mind.

What have I gotten myself into?

Inner Strength

It's sorta crazy when you can see your life changing course before your eyes. When you realize that things from this day forward will be different, and that you are the one who is responsible for such drastic changes that are taking place. Crazy indeed... and extremely wonderful. Maybe I'm still basking in the awe of the fact that I am strong enough to make an important decision for myself... Maybe I just can't seem to get over it all... Or maybe I am just really proud of the choices I've made for myself so far. I think that this past year especially has brought about a lot of changes where I am continually reminded of my inner strength.

I've recently decided to change jobs. I've been stuck in a bit of rutt for the past few months where work is concerned. I thought I could shake it by adding to current responsibilities and taking on new tasks. I even spoke to my boss about my feelings and he agreed that I should try something new. He offered me a new role in the company and I hoped it was what I was looking for. But a little over a month after doing so I still felt clouded, empty, and not quite in the right niche.

I resigned on Friday. I didn't know how it would all turn out. If I'd be scolded for wasting someone's time, or praised for all the hard work I've put in to date. I was pleasantly surprised...

Where do I go from here? I've been asking myself this question all weekend. I think I have some idea... One that involves white sandy beaches and frozen pina coladas...

But in the long run? Well maybe its time for me to get on that 10 year plan I've been putting off creating...

How Old Am I?

It was the year Ronald Reagan came to grace our nation....

The year we lost a valued life of a musician-philosopher donning infamous round glasses and a long narrow nose....

Jack Nicholson portrayed an abusive husband with a psychic son in a twisted horror flick....

The public read of the legendary Alfred Hitchkock in the obituaries section...

It was the day that Mark Twain published his beloved Huckleberry Finn Adventures...

The day the first 3D movie opened in New York...

I share my birth date with John Travolta, Toni Morrison, George Kennedy & Molly Ringwald (although different years)

How Old Am I?

Counting To 100...

Posted ages ago, I'm reviving (& updating) the top 100 thangs about Moi...

1. I used to be a natural blonde...Now I'm just a bottle blonde!

2. When I was younger I hated my name, now I love it.

3. I was named after an Irish Steaksauce bottle.

4. Alanna means "Precious little one" in Gailic.

5. I can eat like a bitch! Seriously...I out eat my Brother and all X-Boyfriends! Take me to a buffet and prepare to be amazed...

6. I like imported beer. My favorite so far is Leffe.

7. I wish I had a bigger rack and skinny-minny arms.

8. I'm a brown eyed girl.

9. A lot of my life I have been afraid that people are always judging me. Sometimes that makes me feel small and claustrophobic.

10. I have trichotillomania! (twirl my hair)

11. I love the way bracelets and watches look on thin wrists.

12. I have a purse fetish! (however I am NOT a shoe gal)

13. My parents were divorced when I was younger...I still can't remember how old I was when it happened, but do remember the day my Dad left our house.

14. I have a huge soft spot for my Brother, I love him. (even tho we used to beat the crap out of each other when we were small!)

15. I still have no idea what I want to do "when I grow up". But maybe these days I'm starting to get a bit of direction...

16. I'm with A.Star on wanting to get back into painting mode. I havent done it in ages but I am good.

17. I have a life long tug of war going on between loving logical mathmatics and numbers, and being a creative soul. I have yet to find my niche.

18. I consider myself shy at times.

19. I will NEVER be able to do the e-dating thing!

20. I don't get politics (but I try).

21. I wish I was a child of the 60's & 70's, when kids actually gave a shit about war and country.

22. I love my Daddy!

23. My Mom is my friend (even though she is CRAZY!).

24. I am all about my family (even though they are ALL CRAZY).

25. I am a cat lover. But also want 2 dogs (tiny terrier and big golden retriever).

26. I am an extremely loyal and affectionate person.

27. I am smart, yet often say stupid, "blonde-moment" things so that girls & friends are not intimidated by me. (I also think it can be funny & clever)

28. I can be full of confidence one moment, even conceided at times, and the next, be timid and self conscious.

29. I love a good slice of New York pizza.

30. I will eat ALL the chocolate! No rationing!

31. I enjoy telling people what to do at work!

32. Although I love Manhattan, I KNOW that one day I will get settled outside of the city in a big country home. I am a country girl at heart (although WHAT will I do without the city?)

33. I believe that people always need to do what is best for themselves. And for that I would never deny anyone.

34. I think that I still have a LOT to learn.

35. I put people up on pedestals who have talents or skills that I lack. I need to remember that when it comes down to it, they are just people.

36. I don't have a ton of casual friends, but I do have a nice amount of very close ones.

37. I miss Sarah (with an H) with a passion. Sometimes I am angry at her for leaving me and journeying so far away to the other side of the world (NZ). That is when I have to remember #33.

38. I love hiking, running and exploring.

39. My favorite season is Autumn.

40. I love to reminisce about old times and how wonderful it used to feel to have crushes on people...I miss those butterfly days.

41. I enjoy being alone and having 'me' time.

42. I often feel I was placed on this earth soley to spread love and smiles.

43. I need a new cell phone realllly badly. Every time a friend calls or sees me they remind me of that fact. (update- I have a fabu new phone!)

44. Music rules my world. It helps to define my emotions and express myself. I wish I could have a soundtrack to my life playing in the background at all times.

45. I am not a picky eater...I will eat ANYTHING once (see #5).

46. Lately my drink of choice is a dirrrrty martini (extra olives please).

47. I was once thrown out of a club after been offered an application to work there...Apparently I couldn't drop it like its hot...enough...or something. Ok, actually I just pissed off the bouncer.

48. No tattoos and only ears pierced (two holes each), but sorta want a classy gold barbell belly ring (I know, I know...belly rings are sooo out).

49. Half the time I speak in my baby voice.

50. I make a mean crinkly face when I stare at my computer screen at work (or so I am told).

51. I am a day dreamer.

52. US WEEKLY is a guilty pleasure.

53. I would like to live everywhere once to get fresh perspectives. But I know that Manhattan/New York is my Home Sweet Home.

54. My favorite thing is to walk around by myself in the city on a crisp fall day. I love to people watch, sight see and explore.

55. I like the way the huge towering buildings of midtown make me feel. I get a sense of comfort by them for some reason.

56. I am an artist and love to paint, draw, and create. I also love to embroider things on clothing.

57. I love anything that is wildly romantic.

58. I LOVE Car Bombs!

59. I wish I could afford some good couture! Mama needs a new pair of Manolos!

60. I was captain of my dance team in college.

61. I am a night owl. NOT a morning person.

62. My favorite color is green because it belongs to nature.

63. I am always looking for ways to better myself.

64. I am not selfish, but I have a reallly hard time sharing my popcorn!

65. I am very skilled at not touching any germy surfaces when taking public transportation or using facilities.

66. There is something cozy about my large cinnamon coffee with milk and Splenda every morning.

67. Nothing beats a bonfire with all the makings for Smore's on a warm summer night in Shoreham. (A.Star and I always used to have the goods stashed in the trunk of our cars just in case!)

68. When I was young, people used to think that my Brother and I were twins. We both had these long blonde bowl cuts that would have made me look like a boy if it wasn't for those frilly dresses I sometimes sported.

69. I am a tom-boy at heart, I have no clue how to be sexy.

70. I am a Bay Girl. I grew up on the water, going out on my Father's boat. Sundays have been boat days decades before I was even born.

71. One of my favorite things to do on the water is night crabbing. You shine a flashlight into the water and up come the crabs, swimming to the surface.

72. One of my favorite early memories of Manhattan was when my Aunt took all 8 of my cousins and I on a field trip to the city, bringing us around to FAO Shwartz, Godiva (where we each picked out our favorite treat) and then brown bagged it for lunch, where each of us had our own phone booth to eat our sandwiches, on the ground floor of some huge corporate building!

73. When I was in high school I used to wear outfits that Alicia Silverstone wore in "Clueless". I had a teacher who would have me stand up and show off to the class each day...

74. I think that I was more productive in college than I am in my job now.

75. I wish that when I was younger someone had let me in on the way the world works...Connections, connections...

76. Sometimes I think life would be a lot easier if I didn't have such strong morals.

77. I'm a huge FLIRT.

78. I love sunsets.

79. I hate to admit it, but I'm a sucker for flowers (sunflowers & tiger lilies).

80. I can find art in everything.

81. I can't believe I'm writing this: I (one day) want kids.

82. I love to travel and have been to: Spain (exchange program), France, Scotland, England, Bahamas, U.S. Virgin Islands, Mexico, Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Quebec, Montreal, Nova Scotia, various states in U.S.

83. My Grandma is one of the most influential and important people in my life. I absolutely love her.

84. We cheezily sign off our phone conversations by saying: "Kiss, kiss kiss...1...2...3...BYE!!!" since I was a little girl.

85. I find family traditions and heirlooms to be extremely treasured.

86. I am fascinated with New York City achitecture & its history.

87. I have yet to experience any sort of "dark side" of NYC (knock on wood).

88. I think older woman are beautiful...I won't mind aging.

89. I must be fabulously drunk for karaoke.

90. I hate Long Island accents.

91. I am extremely non committal in almost every aspect of my life.

92. My proudest moment to date is when I graduated with 2 Bachelor's degrees in 4 and a half years.

93. My biggest fear is death.

94. I often try to read into my dreams and find meaning.

95. I love ouija boards.

96. My first boyfriend in high school is gay. People make fun of me and say I turned him...I like to think I turned him straight for a short time.

97. I have been in love once.

98. I make the best creme brulee.

99. While other little girls dressed up as princesses and cowgirls for Halloween, I was Yoda.

100. I am an eternal optimist.

I Can See The Finish Line

This week has been a chore for me.

Just waking up early and dragging my achy bones out of bed has been a task larger than comprehension. This may be attributed to the lousy flu I came down with end of last week, and a bit to do with some circumstances that are on the cusp of my control, yet... Not quite.

It's like I'm at the part in a race where all my energies have been exuded. My hips hurt, the balls of my feet are sore, and my heart is beating out of my chest. Beads of sweat collect in my sports bra, and dribble with every verticle bounce down the small of my back.

All I can do now is wait it out, keep going and have faith that the end is in site.

And it IS in site...

I am sprinting now, down the grassy patch, passing the person I have followed in step from the start. Screams and shouts of praise are being heard above the sounds of my pounding heart and inner self kicking my mental ass. The end comes into view... My legs continue to cycle... I can see the finish line...