Dining Solo
Have you ever gone out to a NYC restaurant completely and utterly...Alone? I'm talking dateless, companionless, partnerless, compadre-less...Whatever you want to call it, you are out to eat all by yourself? Well until last Friday afternoon, I would have answered,"NO WAY! Not for me!"
And meant it.
Now I know its like a cat being scared of a mouse, but there are some things that I have just never felt totally comfortable doing..even the IDEA of eating alone while out at a public place meant for socializing throws me into a slight panic. This is why I HAD to stand up to myself one afternoon when I had nothing better to do and was utterly STARVING for some good food. I saw it as a challenge and felt it was the perfect opportunity to conquer my fear of dining solo.
I picked a deliciously cozy french restaurant around the corner from my subway stop as the scene of the crime. Where I knew the owner would recognize me and hopefully treat me a little delicately when he saw that I was sans-friends. Hey, if I was going to take a stand I might as well do it with as much comfort as possible, right? As I entered, I noticed the few people lunching at nearby tables giving me what was to be the first of many glances. I breathed a sigh of relief when my eyes rested on that of the french owner's from Normandy. Altho his tone and mannerisms were abrupt and often bordered unfriendly, I hoped today he would take pity on me and show his softer side, which he first exuded by shaking my hand and showing me to my seat.
"Just you today?" He asked, "Yes, one for lunch please."
It felt good to say it aloud.
"Hmmmm, well I'm not yet sure what I'd like to eat, but I know I'd LOVE a glass of chardonnay to start!" Nothing like a few sips of some good french wine to put me in the Self-Pampering mood. Next: Order something you've never had before! All these "firsts" today... damn, I was attacking my comfort zone head on!
One of the things I noticed myself doing in my not-yet-quite-comfortable state was shifting my crossed legs from one side to the other. Maybe it was a nervous habbit I had picked up, or maybe it had to do with the "subtle" stares I was receiving from other customers who, in my mind, I imagined were thinking I had either been stood up for a date, or, by some freak of nature, was actually a single...girl...in Manhattan...eating...alone....
Another thing I noticed while enjoying my meal, was how amazingly GOOD every bite of food tasted. Simple bread and butter was to die for, although I will admit that this classy joint did have exceptional standards. I also had time to really focus on what I was eating and was in no rush at all to clean plate. This is coming from a girl who takes an extra 20 minutes more than any other "normal" person's mealtime and is used to feeling the pressures of speeding up the process.
I think the real "Feel Good" feelings came when I was over with my meal and sat, patiently, sipping the last of my white chardonnay and awaited my check. It was MINE. No date was going to swoop in to pick it up. No friend was going to paw at it with a twenty...I had earned it, and admittingly, enjoyed it. There was some sense of empowerment and liberation that came from my own private lunch outting. I felt that if I could survive this experience, there were no more limits or boundaries on what I could do. The possibilities unfolded in front of me...Central Park, The Met, a Concert, even a vacation! All of these things I no longer needed to wait for someone more experienced to take me with.
A while back someone once said to me, "Alanna- You have it all...a professional job in your major, a NYC apartment, a boyfriend..." Well, I'm not so sure about all that, and especially that last part these days, but I do have something that is first and foremost...I have independence.
And meant it.
Now I know its like a cat being scared of a mouse, but there are some things that I have just never felt totally comfortable doing..even the IDEA of eating alone while out at a public place meant for socializing throws me into a slight panic. This is why I HAD to stand up to myself one afternoon when I had nothing better to do and was utterly STARVING for some good food. I saw it as a challenge and felt it was the perfect opportunity to conquer my fear of dining solo.
I picked a deliciously cozy french restaurant around the corner from my subway stop as the scene of the crime. Where I knew the owner would recognize me and hopefully treat me a little delicately when he saw that I was sans-friends. Hey, if I was going to take a stand I might as well do it with as much comfort as possible, right? As I entered, I noticed the few people lunching at nearby tables giving me what was to be the first of many glances. I breathed a sigh of relief when my eyes rested on that of the french owner's from Normandy. Altho his tone and mannerisms were abrupt and often bordered unfriendly, I hoped today he would take pity on me and show his softer side, which he first exuded by shaking my hand and showing me to my seat.
"Just you today?" He asked, "Yes, one for lunch please."
It felt good to say it aloud.
"Hmmmm, well I'm not yet sure what I'd like to eat, but I know I'd LOVE a glass of chardonnay to start!" Nothing like a few sips of some good french wine to put me in the Self-Pampering mood. Next: Order something you've never had before! All these "firsts" today... damn, I was attacking my comfort zone head on!
One of the things I noticed myself doing in my not-yet-quite-comfortable state was shifting my crossed legs from one side to the other. Maybe it was a nervous habbit I had picked up, or maybe it had to do with the "subtle" stares I was receiving from other customers who, in my mind, I imagined were thinking I had either been stood up for a date, or, by some freak of nature, was actually a single...girl...in Manhattan...eating...alone....
Another thing I noticed while enjoying my meal, was how amazingly GOOD every bite of food tasted. Simple bread and butter was to die for, although I will admit that this classy joint did have exceptional standards. I also had time to really focus on what I was eating and was in no rush at all to clean plate. This is coming from a girl who takes an extra 20 minutes more than any other "normal" person's mealtime and is used to feeling the pressures of speeding up the process.
I think the real "Feel Good" feelings came when I was over with my meal and sat, patiently, sipping the last of my white chardonnay and awaited my check. It was MINE. No date was going to swoop in to pick it up. No friend was going to paw at it with a twenty...I had earned it, and admittingly, enjoyed it. There was some sense of empowerment and liberation that came from my own private lunch outting. I felt that if I could survive this experience, there were no more limits or boundaries on what I could do. The possibilities unfolded in front of me...Central Park, The Met, a Concert, even a vacation! All of these things I no longer needed to wait for someone more experienced to take me with.
A while back someone once said to me, "Alanna- You have it all...a professional job in your major, a NYC apartment, a boyfriend..." Well, I'm not so sure about all that, and especially that last part these days, but I do have something that is first and foremost...I have independence.
posted by alannajoy at 2:30 PM
2 Comments:
Oh that's so nice :)
I remember the first time I decided to go eat at a public restaurant all by myself I had this horrible feeling too. But once I was there, I felt and I don't know if it's the correct word "free", it really is quite rewarding.
Nice blog
Because of my job I do a lot of driving and there are only so many times you can eat a sandwich in the car while you are driving. So I first started easing into it at food courts at malls, them moved on to Subway and Boston Market and then to full fledge restaurants. But only there when I am away- I had to business trips recently and really didn't have a choice than to eat alone. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Great writing Alanna! Keep up with the blog- it's fun!
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