My Return to the 9th Planet
Picture it: Christmas, 2009, New York City.
Right after the very first snow blizzard to kick off the start of the winter season. Tourists from out of town visit the tree and window shop in delight while trudging through now dark colored snow on the sidewalks. Children's eyes grow wide at the sight of toy displays, horse drawn carriages in the park and the smell of warm chestnuts in the air. It also happens to be a time when I've just learned that one of the most constant people in my life has come down with a devastating illness... one that could prove fatal.
Amidst the holly and mistletoe and presents and laughter, I wander through a maze within the dark corners of my mind hoping that somewhere, somehow there is a flicker of light that leads to the promise of things reverting to my norm and how they always were... back to what I now realize I've taken for granted for many years.
The thought that 2010 could prove to be the biggest bump my road has yet to see is beyond my total comprehension in this moment. When I widen my view in an attempt to prepare myself and those around me for the potential of such extreme anguish, the pain cuts quickly like a stab of a knife through my soul. It does not linger, it does not spread, it merely jolts me into a reality I do not want to face, and in that flash I feel only a fragment of what is to come.
And so this Christmas, while I try to make the best of where we are in our current battle between acceptance and denial, healing and suffering, fighting and relenting, I look ahead in anticipation and prayer, that I can one day soon breathe in the clean air of comfort knowing my family's lives are on a path which leads them through the woods and out into the clearing, to bathe in sunshine.
Photo by Ed Lederman
posted by alannajoy at 2:33 PM
4 Comments:
you have my support and love at all times Ajoy. I know things are tough, hard to accept, and painful to swallow...just know, your friends are right here, by your side. We will never let you be alone.
Love, Chika
Often, there are so few people who are constant in our lives. It hurts each time one of them can no longer be there for us. They've been a part of your life, both in the good times and bad. Sometimes, we can repay them for their constancy. Be strong and be there for them.
As callous as it may sound, make peace with the fact that they must go. When you can accept that, it won't hurt as much.
Grant
Your strength and courage never cease to amaze me. Coupled with your faith and friends/family by your side I know that you will be able to make it through. I promise, I know this won't be easy but we will do everything we can to help you through.
xoxo
Roms
I hope you and your family find healing, that you all make it back into the clearing and in the sunshine.
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