I am ME
Do you ever feel like you can be so many things to different people? Like the way you sometimes act can depend on who is around you or who you are spending time with? It is not that I change myself to accomidate others, or pretend I'm something I'm not...It's just that maybe certain people can sometimes bring out different aspects of my personality.
My fear then lies in the event that all these poeple, who have experieneced me in such different ways, will somehow all end up together, in the same room. Then what would happen? Its a frightful feeling to see these faces of those who you know have seen you in no other way than anyone else has. That you were unique to them and the expereinces you shared. And when you are suddenly faced with seeing them all at once, its like you want to stop...turn around...and run for it! Run away as fast as you can, so you don't have to explain. I feel like I am afraid that some big secret will be leaked out...leaving people like my Mother awestruck or my friends bewildered and perplexed...
This is something that crosses my mind anyway.
But then, I have days like today. Where I am unstoppable. Where I am ME in my purest essence. For this short time, I am not analyzing myself or afraid of who may judge me. I am not looking at myself or caring how I seem. I am simply me. Noboy can bring me down or keep me from basking in the rays of Alanna Land. No matter who it is, where we are in our interactions, or how familiar the face may be. I just can't help getting over all that... the formailities life brings, and just speak my mind. I almost feel like I've revealed too much, maybe I should stop and reassess the situation? But I have to continue...I NEED to continue. This optimistic force from within me is pushing its way out. Through my eyes, through my lips, it gushes and beams. I am free. I am ME.
My fear then lies in the event that all these poeple, who have experieneced me in such different ways, will somehow all end up together, in the same room. Then what would happen? Its a frightful feeling to see these faces of those who you know have seen you in no other way than anyone else has. That you were unique to them and the expereinces you shared. And when you are suddenly faced with seeing them all at once, its like you want to stop...turn around...and run for it! Run away as fast as you can, so you don't have to explain. I feel like I am afraid that some big secret will be leaked out...leaving people like my Mother awestruck or my friends bewildered and perplexed...
This is something that crosses my mind anyway.
But then, I have days like today. Where I am unstoppable. Where I am ME in my purest essence. For this short time, I am not analyzing myself or afraid of who may judge me. I am not looking at myself or caring how I seem. I am simply me. Noboy can bring me down or keep me from basking in the rays of Alanna Land. No matter who it is, where we are in our interactions, or how familiar the face may be. I just can't help getting over all that... the formailities life brings, and just speak my mind. I almost feel like I've revealed too much, maybe I should stop and reassess the situation? But I have to continue...I NEED to continue. This optimistic force from within me is pushing its way out. Through my eyes, through my lips, it gushes and beams. I am free. I am ME.
posted by alannajoy at 10:36 PM
4 Comments:
Wow A.Joy, this one really made me think. I think a lot of people feel the same way.
I believe people in general ALWAYS act differently around different people. You don't always act the same in front of your friends as you do your family, people you just met, or the ones you work with. It's not fake at all. I think it, in part, has to do with comfort levels. It's just you adjusting your personality to fit the situation and the people within. It's not on purpose, it just happens. It's not that you are behaving different, it's just a different point of YOU.
P.S. - You are one of the greatest damn people I know and it's all because of who you are. That's why you're one of my bestest friends in the world darling. Don't you ever change!
There is a book called "The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield. Although it covers a lot of topics, one of them is specifically about roles. How we get into different roles depending on whom we're with. So you have to ask yourself, which one is the real you. It can't be as simple as "The one who's left when no one else is around". The bigger question is, do you have a strong enough identity to where you're not as fluid around people?
I've had this experience before, all my friends meeting in one place, and they're all very different from each other.
It made me realise how I can interract with so many different people because they all bring out various sides of me.
Whoever doesn't want to accept a part of me they're now seeing, well they're not true friends.
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