Just Another Day In Singleton

So I just came in, out of the wind and pelleting rain from another looong day. Is it normal to be eating dinner at 9:38pm I ask you? I guess sticking around for 2 gym classes back to back will make the evening fly... But hey, I can now kick ass in step aerobics, not to mention fit right in at a traditional Indian wedding after taking Masala Bhangra for the first time (lets not even go there).

Anyway, as I go through the mail, I see it... Yet ANOTHER wedding announcement for 2006! I've got 4 "Save The Date"s already and this makes 5! These add to an email I received yesterday stating that two acquintances from college have just gotten engaged. Yowza... My head is spinning. Is everyone over the age of 25 getting hitched these days? Does no one allow themselves to test the waters of Singleton to find out how icy it may be, before diving head first into their adult lives and declaring their place in the world?

Lately I've been wondering if it is me. Am I the adolencent her? Wading around in the shallow end while all the others swim valiantly among the waves? All my life I've experienced an underlying theme... I've always been Ready. Ready to start the first day of school, prepared to ride her bike on her own, eager for the freedom of a drivers license and perfectly set senior year to head off to college. So what is it about my quarter life state that has lead to be so entirely relunctant when it comes to love?

Perhaps I'm waiting for a fairytale. For the knight in shining armour (or squeaky clean Ferrari) to scoop me up in his arms and shower me with the love and kindness I deserve. Or maybe its that I expect Love to be marvelous... For him to be marvelous and learn from him what I cannot teach myself. Maybe its the cue I take from my Mother (divorced and single herself), to never settle. Never settle for anything less than what I am willing to give to another. If I can offer it to them, hell, I can surely offer it to myself, so why settle for less? Maybe my real dillema lies in the abundance of what I am willing to give...

But enough about all that. It's now after 10... I've still got more mail to open, a single dirty dish to scrub, and a lot more luke-warm water to tread...

Happy Birthday A.Star

Sending hap happy birthday wishes to my favorite gurl A.Star!

She has officially turned a quarter of a century old today!

Bout time Babe!

Happy Birthday to you!

Love,
alannajoy

Happy Thanksgiving

(Following Marissa's example) I am thankful for:

Large Colorful Leaves on the ground that crinkle as you step on them

Brisk Autumn Sunsets

Gingerbread Skim Lattes from Starbucks

Earth Tones & Golds Being SOOO In During this Time of Year

The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (Garfield Baloon)

That Same 5K Marathon we have in our Town EVERY Thxgvng Day since I was small

Home-Made Apple Pie (Secret Family Recipe)

The Stamina (and Appitite) Required to Attend 2 and sometimes 3 Thanksgiving Day Meals

My (Semi) Large (and Broken) Family

My Amazing Roommates Who Cook and Bake Amazing Foods

Thanksgiving Eve Reunions

Mini Vacations From the Office

My New Transportable Apple Powerbook...HOTTT

Decorative Cabbages

Physician's Formula Natural Bronzer (Sunkissed Glow)

My Cat, Rainbow, who is Blind and Deaf and nearly as old as I am, but can still manage to prance around the house

All the PIIIIIIIES (Strawberry Rubarb, Pecan, Pumpkin, Apple)

The Cool Breeze in the Subway Station

John Mayer

The Smell of Firewood Nowadays

Text Messages During a Boring Morning in the Office or a Lonely Night In

The Perfect Jingle hitting your iPod at an Ironic Moment

Lost Friends Sensing your Thoughts and Reaching Out before you have gathered up your nerve to contact them

Coming Out of the Cold to a Nice Glass of Merlot

The Comforting Redundance of "A Christmas Story" Marathon on Thxgvng Day

The First Sight of Holiday Decorations in City Streets & Stores

Black Friday Sales... Time to Shop Til You Drop!

Acceptance in the Realization That I may be Alone This Holiday Season

Being Able to be There for Myself

Warm Scarfs

HBO On Demmand

My Cardio Striptease Class

"When Harry Met Sally" & "Serendipity" on Oxygen

My Quick Heating Apartment

The Good Health of Me and my Loved Ones

NYC is the Place to BE

Balthazar

Udon Noodle Soup

All My Scrumptious Blogger Pals

Happy Turkey Day Y'all...

Manhattan Mumblers

Every morning on my daily commute
I encounter them.

At least one, and sometimes, if I'm looking extra foxy, a good handful. They walk close to me, generally coming from the oposite direction on the sidewalk. Brush up against me as I am squeezing my way down a crowded street. In the subways they slyly
hop out of the car with their heads cocked backwards and I can see their lips moving in my direction.

They are the Manhattan Mumblers.

A surreptitious breed consisting mainly of toxic bachelors and early morning blue collar workers. Upon recognition of a female species, (preferably showing a little leg, however definitely not a prerquisite) they will find their way to position themselves adjacent to her, casually, yet conveniently close. That is when they mutter those few choice words. Words that you would be appalled and nauseated to hear even from the hottest of men, and shun as the syllables echo in your mind.

Now I must point out that there are two types of Manhattan Mumblers. Those that want the female to hear what they are daring to say to her, and those that do not. The ones that do hold such nerve, will make sure that you are a woman aware of your surroundings and your senses acute. The group that does not possess such audacity will survey for earphones, headsets, or anything suggesting a lack of attention. They slowly await for the right time to slip past, uttering a sentence, and then walking on, as if nothing had even been said. However different their intentions may be, both groups are equally crafty and shameless and all fall under the same basic term, The Manhattan Mumber.

So now my question for you is: Knowing that you may come into contact with such a perverse group on a daily basis as you walk slickly down the sidewalks of New York, is it your inclination to turn the volume on your iPod up... or down?

Lover Boy Brandon (Walsh)

Around late afternoon I got a call from A.Star, saying she'd be down in Soho shortly and ready for our (hot) dinner date! Woo-Hoo I silently yelped! At last. Some time to catch up with my longest and closest gal pal, finally home for good from Laguna Beach!

"I'm gonna kiss ya, and hug ya, and squeeze ya and pinch ya Darling!"

As the clock struck 6, I clicked my mouse on the little blue apple icon in the top left corner of my monitor; Shut Down. I grabbed my things, remembering my umbrella as it was clearly pouring outside (nasty pellets being shot from the Gods above, remember?) and sprung out of that office onto the dark, damp street. Two blocks down and there it was; the familiar, cute, silver (whatever make) car I had seen in Laguna just a few long months before... Only now it had a giant, black roof rack gleaming on top. She had made it, driven a long way and now she was alll mine... well at least until after dindin.

I dialed her number on my cell as I approached her car, and she eagerly sprung out of the passenger seat and out onto the sidewalk, sans umbrella. We embraced whole-heartedly with smiles beaming from all angels. As the rain came down we decided to make a run for it and strolled quickly down the street to find an unpretentious and uncrowded bistro where we could catch up and giggle like old times.

As we turned the corner onto Spring Street we were suddenly bombarded with long trailers, colossal lighting apparatus and a film crew with cameras shining lights straight on in front of Ray's Pizza. Cool, I thought, Yet another possible celeb sighting to add to my growing list... Being away from NYC for such a long hiatus, A.Star was as giddy as a catholic school girl seeing a boy for the first time, and we were both ready to feast our eyes on the prey. However, we soon discovered, it was a little bit more the other way around.

We walked by in slow motion, our heads cocked dedicatedly to the right, our eyes committedly searched for a familiar face complete with the glowing aura around them. When we finally did recognize that prize creature, it appeared as though he had recognized us right back. Locking gazes immediately upon first sight stood Jason Priestley, complete in all his restored, barely scratched (and sorta...short) glory.

I turned to look behind me to find out what in the world this man could be gawking at, but there was nothing but the empty, puddle-filled street and a traffic light brightly lit green. I whipped my head back around to gander once more at the distinct face that had brought me to question. Fixed intently still he stood. I thought I was going mad, imagining things, until A.Star shot me a glare that could only say "OMG- I don't BELIEVE this..." We grinned widely at each other and continued past at a snails pace.

"Holy shit, did you SEE him? He was staring directly at us the ENTIRE time! Dude, isn't that man MARRIED? WHAT is up with that?"

Thrilling? ...Sure. Shocking? ...Perhaps. Trite? ...Um, from a celeb? ...Never. A.Star and I crossed the street, turned around to face him and belted at the top of our lungs in unison:

"Den-En-En-En... Den-En-En-En... ...CHHH -- CHHH!!!"

Then ran, and ran and ran... Until we were across the street, around the corner and tumbling over into puddles with hysterics... Gawd do I miss 90210...

One Up For Team LC!

Awwwwwe Yeahhhhh Suckas....
Take THAT all you Kristen fans, LC is rockin it to a whole new level! All you haters best go home!

Beginning next season, MTV has announced the launch of "The Hills", a reality based show surrounding Lauren Conrad of "Lagnuna Beach: The Real OC"! It will follow her to L.A., where she juggles school, relationships and an internship at Teen Vogue. I don't know how this baby will fare in comparisson to all the drama-riffic fun that is LB, but I will say this... You kick it girl... I don't see Kristen or any other LB-er with their own television show... Snaps for that! And after those racey spreads in the last RS, Kristen, you DUNZO sista!

Seasonal Cravings

What is it about the brisk breezes and early sunsets of this season that cause me to day dream?

Why do I long for an assuring and secure arm around my shoulders and a strong chest to nuzzle my soft rosy cheeks against?

When I walk these swarming city streets alone at dusk, my mind wanders... I am lost in thoughts of moments in my life to come. Where he is everything I can imagine, yet nothing I have ever dreamed. Where the smile on my face is candid, but only for him to perceive.

As I pull on my warm coat, fresh from the closet and take that first step into the stimulating morning sun, I wonder if today is the day. If our paths will cross, mistakenly... fatedly... preordained.

When I bundle a scarf around my neck and pull on my gloves in the village park, I envision a divine, all-encompassing portrait of my soul braided with his, impossible for either one of us to break away from the bonds of affection and understanding that grow and deepen between us. An image of the two of us, walking hand in hand, down these streets of Manhattan with fulfillment and exhilaration in our minds and bodies.

Sitting in the back of a heated taxi cab, I wonder if I will ever be in that place where it is perfectly effortless to escape the essence of time... Delightfully caressing the back of his neck while our lips press together, tongues mingling in elation and indulgence.

Oh what is it about the smoky autumn smell, the promise of warmth that comes with the holidays, and the view of winter right around the corner? What is it about this time that prevails on me to long for a love of my very own?

Thank Goodness For Groceries

After a full dose of "Monday Fun-Day" at work, I headed straight for the grocery store on 2nd Avenue. It was the start to another jam-packed week and I was in need of some major fridge restocking after another fab weekend.

One thing that I've learned to detest in this city of Manhattan is shopping for groceries. It's not the actual food shopping that I necessarily hate; actually I think it can be quite therapeutic... Hunting high and low for your favorite palatable delights, choosing carefully among the many varieties, shapes, & sizes: low fat, sugar free, shredded or pureed... It is always amusing to try new flavors and variations. No, that is not at all what irks me. What does cause such mindless exasperation, is the long, strenuous walk home from the food store to my apartment with an accumulation of plastic bags slung over my shoulders, around my wrists, gripped tightly in my poorly circulated hands. Okay, okay, so maybe I exaggerate a tad... The walk isn't that long. But it sure feels a lot longer when you're carrying enough weight to be what feels like a few cinder blocks, down the street.

After assessing the situation and thinking strategically about how each bag could possibly fit on my person, I loaded 'em up and headed immediately for the exit sign.
Traipsing up the street, I mundanely counted the street signs as they began to increase with each corner I passed. Damn it! I thought, as I got caught at a "Don't Walk" sign with red hand up. I stood immobile for a moment, feeling the weight of the straps begin to cut off circulation on my fingers.

That's when I heard him.

"Excuse me, Miss?" I turned at the urgency in his voice, and my bags created a loud swoosh as I stepped forward to control the sudden shift in weight. I looked up to see a spruced gentleman, early 30's, in a black work suite approached me.

"Hi there, I'm sorry... You don't know me... Listen, I saw you walking down the street and realized that I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did not come over and talk to you..." Clamored the audacious man.

"Oh, WOW... That's really nice of you to say..." I stammered, as I tried to grasp a hold of the situation (and my bags). He continued talking about himself...Blah Blah Blah, and what he did for a living... Blah Blah Blah... And then began asking me random questions such as: "Soooo...You live around here?", "Where did you say you were from?" and "What type of places do you like to go out to around these parts?"

Was I caught off guard? Yes. Was he flattering? Of course. But if this guy thought he was going to get any serious conversation not to mention some digits, out of girl beaten with bags, he was seriously mistaken.

"You know, I'd love to shake your hand, but I see you're pretty occupied already...He,he,he." Pretty occupied? Um...Yes, yes I am...Would you like to hold a bag or two for me if you insist on keeping me from getting to my destination, you hilarious stranger?

I smiled politely as he chattered on with a bold aire. I began to shuffle my feet in the opposite direction, moving farther and farther away, to show I was in a hurry. Finnnnnalllly I courageously blurted out:

"Listen, I'm really sorry to be a drag, but I've just got to get these groceries home... It has been lovely talking to you!"

"Of course, you need to take off, listen, can I get your number? I'd love to take you out..."

Uuugghh, this guy just did NOT get it. I had made qualifying attempts to show disinterest (not to mention severe distress with my parcels) and... No comprende.

"Oh, that's really so sweet of you to ask...But actually I don't give my number out to strangers." I stared at him with a blunt, There's-Nothing-I-Can-Do-4-U look. An awkward silence was finally broken when he fathomed what I was getting at and farewells, thank you's and take care's were exchanged.

At last! I beamed, and raced as quickly as I could with the sharp sound of plastic whipping in the wind, my heels scuffing the ground with every step. When I eventually got up to my apartment and threw the sacks down on the table, I took pity on my sore muscles and achey back. As I stood in the kitchen unpacking my items, I began to wonder: Were these heavier-by-the-minute, abundant packages I lugged all the way from the store nothing but an aggravating curse?

... Or maybe, just maybe, a huge blessing?

A Declaration

On my walk home from the gym tonight, I pleasantly bopped around to the beats in my iPod while embracing the soft cool winds of the early fall evening. I began walking in step to the rhythms and started to get into the lyrics that were surrounding me. I had done something out of the ordinary today; I had put my iPod on 'Random Shuffle'. I don't usually do this as I like to create my own playlists and set them to whatever activity it is that I would be implementing when listening (neurotic, I know).

As I moved along, trekking past green lights, walk signs and oncoming pedestrians, a lovely jazz melody filtered through my ears and down through my body. "Autumn in New York..." sang the infamous Ella in that crystal clear, devastatingly distinct voice of hers. "...Brings the promise of new lovvve. Autumn in New York....Is often mingled with painnn."

It was one year ago that I knew. Knew for real, and for good...that things were about to change. And change drastically. It was a year ago that I was so saddened by the thought of all these changes, that I had done everything within my power to keep these alterations in my life from occurring. But it was inevitable, and deep down I knw that. Today I understand these fated adjustments. But although I tell myself that they had to transpire, I still, in the back of my mind, in the corner of my heart, had hoped as these past months had gone by, that sooner or later a day would come where the familiarities of the past would somehow creep in...and would be embraced.

That is when it hit me. For the past year I have been spinning my wheels, stuck in a rut of confusion, wondering if the decision I had made, 'to let go', was correct. And although I knew in my gut it was, I was still holding on. Holding on to the possibility that maybe, just maybe....I was wrong. This is in my nature, to doubt myself and my abilities...A trait I loath and long to change.

It is as though this past year, with every baby step I would take forward, I would be illicitly peeking over my shoulder, cautious to plant a firm foot. If I ever dared to leap, it would be with eyes shut tight and a safety net in place beneath me, so there would be no danger of falling down.

It was then and there that I deemed my assertion. A declaration to myself... For myself. It was time to be set free from the past. No more meditations, reflections or speculations. I had analyzed my choices to dust; learned all I could learn. It was time for me to keep my eyes open forward and no more looking back... It was this day and onward. It's time for this, I thought to myself. I need to let go.

Sighting the walk sign on the corner ahead of me, I leapt with full force onto 3rd Avenue. Without so much as a glance behind to watch for a turning car, I skipped across. In the invigorating crisp breeze, I sang along to the words...

"Autumn in New York...brings the promise of new love..."