Just Another Day In Singleton
So I just came in, out of the wind and pelleting rain from another looong day. Is it normal to be eating dinner at 9:38pm I ask you? I guess sticking around for 2 gym classes back to back will make the evening fly... But hey, I can now kick ass in step aerobics, not to mention fit right in at a traditional Indian wedding after taking Masala Bhangra for the first time (lets not even go there). Anyway, as I go through the mail, I see it... Yet ANOTHER wedding announcement for 2006! I've got 4 "Save The Date"s already and this makes 5! These add to an email I received yesterday stating that two acquintances from college have just gotten engaged. Yowza... My head is spinning. Is everyone over the age of 25 getting hitched these days? Does no one allow themselves to test the waters of Singleton to find out how icy it may be, before diving head first into their adult lives and declaring their place in the world?
Lately I've been wondering if it is me. Am I the adolencent her? Wading around in the shallow end while all the others swim valiantly among the waves? All my life I've experienced an underlying theme... I've always been Ready. Ready to start the first day of school, prepared to ride her bike on her own, eager for the freedom of a drivers license and perfectly set senior year to head off to college. So what is it about my quarter life state that has lead to be so entirely relunctant when it comes to love?
Perhaps I'm waiting for a fairytale. For the knight in shining armour (or squeaky clean Ferrari) to scoop me up in his arms and shower me with the love and kindness I deserve. Or maybe its that I expect Love to be marvelous... For him to be marvelous and learn from him what I cannot teach myself. Maybe its the cue I take from my Mother (divorced and single herself), to never settle. Never settle for anything less than what I am willing to give to another. If I can offer it to them, hell, I can surely offer it to myself, so why settle for less? Maybe my real dillema lies in the abundance of what I am willing to give...
But enough about all that. It's now after 10... I've still got more mail to open, a single dirty dish to scrub, and a lot more luke-warm water to tread...
posted by alannajoy at 10:15 PM
27 Comments:
Alanna - are we the same person?! Seriously. I think we are (wait till you read today's post). I SO KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! Omg, it's like you took the words from my head! I also have 4 Save the Dates and the worst part, I don't even have (or get) a plus one at ANY of them! Everyone's hitched, everyone's engaged. Well, except me. And I also am so READY. But, that just means we're no holding out for something - someone - great. Like you said, we won't settle. And by the time we finally get engaged, we'll know exactly who we are and be very independent girls!
I always think about it this way: we spend the first 18 or so years of our lives living for our parents, being told what to do and blah blah blah. In fact, I think I'm just becoming a real person now, at 22. And if I get married at, say, 27, that means I have only had 5 years living my own life before I sign it away to some dude.
Those are bad percentages, dude. I'm getting married when I'm 45. Maybe.
Oh my goodness... marissa and alanna, this is like so crazy! i'm with u all the way. one of my friends from high school just got engaged and will soon be married in the next few months. so is my best gal and her boyfriend both who i have known almost my whole life, they too are getting married next year. i've been having the same feelings about what is being talked about in your post alanna. i imagine that its me who is the problem... waiting for something thats incredible and unimagineable, something or someone we have never had before. i just talked to my mom about this recently, like yesterday recently... i think its best not to settle for less than what we ladies are... and i'm sure, we're incredible ladies!
I think there may be a new trend starting here. It's not just the guys who don't want to get married before they're ready, now all the ladies don't want to rush into things either.
Besides, I've always disliked that tradition where they drag all the single people onto the floor during wedding receptions. Makes you feel self-conscious and reinforces that social conformity of getting married before you turn 30. (Not to mention the pointed looks from mothers.)
Now is the time for the age of female bachelorhood (I'd use the correct term, but it has been portrayed with negative connotations). Don't feel any pressure when you start seeing little versions of your friends running around. Keep searching for mister Right. I'm not married. (Ok, just feeling the tiniest hint of hypocritical now.)
A.Joy,
That was some good stuff. In my opinion, in love and life, it'll all buff out cleaner than that squeaky clean Ferrari. Maybe some folks have settled, but you know you never will.
Please send me that cupcake on your blog through the mail. My address is 418 Fifth Street, Atlanta, Ga. 30308. I'll pay you back for postage.
All my friends are married except moi.
Oh man, I've hear a couple of them really bad-talking their hubbies. And I wondered, so why they did bother to marry? Just because they thought time was running out?
I'm glad I waited, it was worth it.
There is no "normal" or "standard" when it comes to marriage. Too many people do and make decisions based on the idea that "it is time". Sadly, half of those marriages end in divorce. My only advice would be not to force anything. If it feels right, then you will want to take that step. If it doesn't, why the hell would you want to make a commitment of that magnitude. Also, all the other examples you gave about being prepared are events that you can prepare for and really only need to rely on yourself for. Relationships/marriage can't/shouldn't be approached in that way. People that do most likely are not fully considering the life input that will come from their partner. Marriage is not a job interview or a final exam. Thinking of it in that way as an expected or required step will only lead to disaster. A happy relationship, to me, is more akin to an expensive luxery item. It's not required for survival, it's not something you just by on a whim like a new pair of shoes or a toothbrush, it's something that you think about and compare and shop around for and then only buy when you know it is the perfect one that you will be happy with forever. Wow, can you tell I'm in love? LOL
I find it so interesting that everyone in our age group seems to be single but all we do is bitch about it. Maybe we should just all get together one day and form two single file lines and choose partners. It might make it a little easier. Hang in there, if things work out, someday we'll be divorced and single too.
Holla!
Hey, enjoy your freedom. With Marriage comes many problems. It is good if you can find someone to work with you, but yes, it is work at times.
I guess I'm one to talk. I liked it so much I've done it twice. LOL.
You guys rock- Thx for the comments
Don't get me wrong tho... I luv being single most of the time, and NYC is definitely the place for it (see my link on the right: It's All About Me)
But I guess once in a while it is easy to get in a funk or second guess myself and wonder if I'm on the right path...
Happy Hump Day
ajoy
yo girl- EXACTLY what the above ppl said. - end comment- haha, nah, i have more...
-i think its not just about bitching about being single, i think its also about bitching at the SOCIETY and ALL THE MERRIED people that are so damn insecure that they just want to see you married so they can breathe easier--
companies prefer married people because they're more stable... your married friends only hang out with you if you have a date to bring- etcetc
i wouldnt care about being single really, if i didnt have to show up to events with a "significant other" - alanna i'm going to 3 "mandatory" weddings but yes- i have 2 or 3 that i'm going to blow off .... imagine 5,6 weddings a year!!!! that's everyother month!
My married friends always tell me "Enjoy your single life, once you loose it you'll be missing it and wished you never married"
Still I want to find out for myself why they always say that. Selfish married women!!
this is funny. i don't loathe being single; you and i have the same exact gym habit. two classes and a 9:38 dinner. i see nothing wrong with this! :)
as a divorcee myself and someone who settled, i say DON'T YOU DARE SETTLE. keep looking for that marvelous love. don't worry, if i pass by you treading in water and see you flounder a bit, i will throw you a life vest, my fellow resident of singleton.
Alanna -Gotta love late night dinners.
As for your question. There is someone for everyone. (I know that's stupid right?)
When you find the right one you will find your way.
Like John Lennon said: "Life is what happens, when you're busy making other plans.."
Peace!
Argh!!! Fight the power. After spending the weekend in vegas with family, all they can say is how D is now "marriage" material. Who says I'm ready to get married? I like being messy, not sharing my toothpaste and hogging the covers. Not to say I don't want to but what's the hurry. The percentages of marriages that last is frightening. So enjoy being single, sexy and in the city (or something cheesy like that). Before long, I know you'll find the right guy and be so glad you settled for Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right Now.
You'll find the right one Lan! I know you will. And, you are absolutley right. Don't settle for anyone. I should know. The lonely days hit and it feels like you'll never find someone, but it'll happen for ya. Mr. Right will smack you right in the head when you least expect it.
amen to the not settling.
when it happens, you want it to be right.
Singleton is good. I got married when I was 19 and had a baby the same year. That certainly made me grow up fast, and while I enjoy my life now , I missed some good years. Young marriages too often end in divorce like mine did. I think your twenties are so much about figuring yourself out. If there's a whole lot of that left to do then you don't need to be tied down, and we're generally attracted to people who are in similar places. It's tough to have two people looking for love when there's still a lot of evolution going on. Just live, and if love comes your way then take it easy, and there's always plenty of time to commit your life someone else, but rarely enough time to commit to ourselves.
First off...AJ, that Birthday cupcake is MINE Dude. But I am willing to share ;)
I agree with Ers, I think you only get so much time to learn about yourself and do you own thing. That's what I enjoyed being out in Cali. It was all mine, I didn't want to share. I had to find myself and I am not sure I am done. I've heard; when you truely love and can be happy with yourself you will truely love another. I think when you are least expecting it, someone great will come into your life sweetie. You just keep on keepin on. Until then...you need a weekend with me, Carrie, Charlotte, Samatha, and Miranda :)
What's up with Jax? D-R-A-M-A! What's she trying to say? I'm not a friend, i'm a threat. Raaargh!
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A threat to what B? Society?
Well... You may have something there ;)
frenchesfrenchesfrenches...
ajoy
ps: Thx for all the wise words and encouragement y'all... Definitely giving me things to ponder and reason to breathe easy...
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i'll be your D.L.S, banana, if you'll be mine!
Love happens. All those people getting married could end up divorced. No relationship will ever be a fairytale...but you shouldn't ever settle. It will find you Lana...you'll see. You're a super girl...;)
Thx CS, you're the sweetest!
ajoy
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