Get Ready For Rambles

Ok, Ok, so here I am. I swear on my life that today is the day... The day for a new post! It's been ages and time for me to get back in gear, out of this rut and back on track with my thoughts in Alanna Land.

I feel like my head is spinning this morning. So much going on and no where to begin. And y'all who thought I had found a man and fell madly in love and was magically whisked away to HIS Land... Well, sadly, no. You are mistaken... But MAYBE that means that it is on the verge of existance, on the tips of my fingers and just 'round the bend. Maybe there is a vague, blurry outline of this man somewhere off in the distance. Maybe I am beginning to see a wave, a nod, a smile, SOMETHING that shall grow more defined and into view.

MAYBE...Anyway.

So last week a group of friends and I decided to take perfect advantage of Restaurant Week here in NYC and had a scrumptious and satisfying meal at China Grill, you know, the Asian Fusion Craze? Well CRAZE it was, and before long we were toasting, cheersing and singing a hap happy birthday to one of our favorite amigos while waiters brought 'round PLATES of delectible desserts for us to feast our watering mouths on. How delish... Good times were certainly had by all.

Well this post doesn't seem to be amounting to much, just me spewing my thoughts for today. I guess it is alright to have a post like this once in a while... You know, the ones that lead to no where but cover an array of topics. Here I have discussed my lack of luster, my return to 'The Scene' (Duh, meaning Alanna Land)... and yummy delights that I partook in during a festive celebration.

Um, yeah... I think that about covers it this morning. Hope all are having a great weekend!

Distance

I don't know why, but lately I've been distant from Alanna Land. There has been something from within holding be back, enveloping my thoughts and has lead me to be introverted from the world around me.

I've had a few people notice, saying to me:

"Alanna Joy Lady, you haven't posted your hot shit in 13 days! What's wrong with you anyway? I know you've been having some adventures to share."

And they are correct. I most certainly have (sly grin).

But there is some force field that is keeping me captive. Muffling my laughs and shouts, stopping me from allowing my voice to be heard... Keeping me from being me.

I haven't yet figured out what it is, or where this force came from. But I am hoping, these days, that I may have the strength to rise above it. That I may refind myself, my confidence, my credence... And shine from the rays of my most precious seclude. Well I guess this is a start, anyway...

New Year's Eve 2006

My New Year's Eve Camo

















New Year's Eve Hostesses: D-Roomie & A.Joy

















My Dolls

My New York Minute

It is January 2, and I find myself alone, walking down Park Avenue with my back to Grand Central Station. I wave good bye as the bus pulls away from the curb and turns out of view. Another one of my Dolls has left and the large, rowdy group we consisted of Friday has deminished to the last 4 of us.

After a New Year's Eve reunion that will keep us all on Cloud 9 for the next 12 months, we are content, satisfied and in desperate need of slumber. It is comforting to know that although we all lead our own seperate lives across rivers and oceans, we can make a small amount of time for our precious Dollhouse friends and show that we can pick right up where we left off, nothing much changed.

As I walk the avenue, counting down the numbers on the street signs, I feel the emptiness of the city around me. Only a few bodies scatter the streets; out of town-ers with their suitcases in toe, an early morning jogger with a screaming neon top brushes past, and barely a car in sight except for an empty taxi cab with the numbers lit on top.

I love this city. I love it with every ounce of my being... I will not leave it yet, despite thoughts of travel and adventure elsewhere. To live here is an adventure, and one that I am still in the midst of having. Living here is discovering myself, and that is the greatest adventure of all.

I turn left down a side street even though it's not mine. I walk past townhouses and iron gates still decorated from the holidays. I soak up a deep breathe of cool, brisk air and feel it inhabit my body before exhaling.

It is the anniversary of a decision. One that had changed my life drastically this past year. One that shook my world despite all efforts to tell myself that things in my twenty-something existance would go on just as before.

A few days ago, as I mulled over possible options for 2006, someone asked me:

What have I learned in that New York Minute?
Good freakin question.

I've learned that people are not always what they seem.

That, if not careful, I am not what I seem.

That luck is something not to be underestimated, yet not to be counted on.

That dreams stick with you no matter how far you may stray from your original objective.

That hope is something you need to hold inside you, no matter the outcome today brings.

And that only you can save yourself.

This year I will write down my goals and aspirations for my future 12 months. A table of time with tasks set before me. I walk into 2006 with higher standards for myself and a source of peace from within.

Happy New Year to you all...