My New York Minute

It is January 2, and I find myself alone, walking down Park Avenue with my back to Grand Central Station. I wave good bye as the bus pulls away from the curb and turns out of view. Another one of my Dolls has left and the large, rowdy group we consisted of Friday has deminished to the last 4 of us.

After a New Year's Eve reunion that will keep us all on Cloud 9 for the next 12 months, we are content, satisfied and in desperate need of slumber. It is comforting to know that although we all lead our own seperate lives across rivers and oceans, we can make a small amount of time for our precious Dollhouse friends and show that we can pick right up where we left off, nothing much changed.

As I walk the avenue, counting down the numbers on the street signs, I feel the emptiness of the city around me. Only a few bodies scatter the streets; out of town-ers with their suitcases in toe, an early morning jogger with a screaming neon top brushes past, and barely a car in sight except for an empty taxi cab with the numbers lit on top.

I love this city. I love it with every ounce of my being... I will not leave it yet, despite thoughts of travel and adventure elsewhere. To live here is an adventure, and one that I am still in the midst of having. Living here is discovering myself, and that is the greatest adventure of all.

I turn left down a side street even though it's not mine. I walk past townhouses and iron gates still decorated from the holidays. I soak up a deep breathe of cool, brisk air and feel it inhabit my body before exhaling.

It is the anniversary of a decision. One that had changed my life drastically this past year. One that shook my world despite all efforts to tell myself that things in my twenty-something existance would go on just as before.

A few days ago, as I mulled over possible options for 2006, someone asked me:

What have I learned in that New York Minute?
Good freakin question.

I've learned that people are not always what they seem.

That, if not careful, I am not what I seem.

That luck is something not to be underestimated, yet not to be counted on.

That dreams stick with you no matter how far you may stray from your original objective.

That hope is something you need to hold inside you, no matter the outcome today brings.

And that only you can save yourself.

This year I will write down my goals and aspirations for my future 12 months. A table of time with tasks set before me. I walk into 2006 with higher standards for myself and a source of peace from within.

Happy New Year to you all...