The Many Names In Alanna

What's in a name?

Letters meshing together to create sounds, which we then use to distinguish one blonde-haired, brown-eyed girl apart from the next?
(In my world anyway) Or is it so much more? After all, the saying does go that "A rose by any other name wouldn't smell as sweet..."

When I was younger I absolutely hated my name. I went through the 11-yr-old-girl phase where I would respond only to "Jessica" or "Elizabeth" because they were my favorite conjured up characters from Sweet Valley High books who also possessed the very same long blonde hair that I did... Only they had way cooler adventures in elementary school like stumbling into a haunted house on an eerie, dark night or having a first-class slumber party with a supermodel.

Another reason why I hated my name back then was because the kids at school thought that my last name rhymed exquisitely well with LOAFBREAD and would dance around chanting;

"ALANNA-LOAFBREAD! ALANNA-LOAFBREAD! What are you having with dinner tonight? Oh, my favorite, ALANNA-LOAFBREAD!!!"

This only lasted for a short time though, until one of my girlfriends leaked out that my name really came from an old brand of an Irish Steaksauce bottle and meant "Precious Little One" in gailic. You can just imagine the fun they had with that.

But as I grew older, things began to change. I began to identify with my name and realize that it was one of the things that made me unique. At summer gymnastics camp (which I attended every summer of my teenage years until finally I realized I should be working there and they should be paying ME for attending...instead of the other way around), my coaches and councelors came up with amusing nicknames as a way to reach out and connect with me. Only it was different than the way the kids at school used to tease me. I actually liked getting these names and felt special with them. I had my favorite councelor, Sean, calling me "The Very Rare & Special Blue-Toed Alanna". As if I were my own species and the only 14 yr old to ever paint her toes with a blue nail polish.

Thinking back as far as I can remember, I have had dubs, labels, and nicknames that combined, add up to form a hell of an interesting potpourri, and has, at some point or another, made me feel special. But what I've come to realize is that its not your name that labels you as unique...although I now love mine, its you. All along, its you, and the way in which you touch others and leave your mark on this world. That is where your name comes from and that is what makes you marvelous.

Alanna Banana :given to me by my Aunts (or should I say Uncles) and has stuck to present days. When I hear it spoken it takes me back to those Easter Sundays spend at my Grandma's house, with me frilled out and dolled up in my latest gauzy, bowy mess searching in the dirt for a precious colored egg.

Altuna Loafbread :given to my by my first and longest guy-friend's father who enjoyed teasing me since I was practically his 4th child and was over as much as I was at my own house up the block.

Two Body Puffs & A Loofa :dare I even try to elaborate on this name? No, I do not...let your imagination soar.

The Very Rare & Special Blue-Toed Alanna :given to me by my camp counselor, Sean, during the days of the Old (haunted) Windmill, The Chumpy Dance, Round-Off Back-Handsprings, and Strength night every night...but thats another entry. Oh, and of course, blue nail polish!

Alanna Steaksauce :given to me by my lovely peers of middle school, along with some classy friends who thought that being named after something you pour on meat was one of the coolest things that could happen to a person.

Lannie :given to me by my mother, and can only be said in a slightly high-pitched, sing-song voice.

Lan :what you call me if you know me.

Lans :what you call me if you really know me (given by a 4-Leaf Clover).

Alanna Balana :given to me while in college, by a handful of strapping fraternity brothers who thought they were the most cleverist of them all...They were.

Lanna Banna :given by one of my best friend's father. When I hear it, these words can only be spoken by 4 voices, and it takes me back to days when country living and family gatherings abounded and I felt at peace in a place I was lucky to call home.

Alada :given to me by none other than Daddy-Doo (and pussycats too)...thinking of the sound of my father's voice, I can only smile and begin to laugh, because I know that he is speaking with that same smile plastered on his own mischievious face.

Lawny :given to be by T 2 The Bizzone Playa!!!!

A-La :hooked up by M.Kel, my new gym buddy....time to ROCK IT GIRL!

Sweetest Summer Smells

This is my second summer living in Manhattan, and maybe you'd think that by now I'd have morphed into a full-fledged Urbanite, completely at home among my Concrete Jungle. But just like you can't take the pie out of the piecrust (well ok, maybe I can), there is no way you will ever take the country out of this girl....I find myself yearning for all the sights, sounds and especially the smells of summer...

I wish I was among the smell of:

Campfire Smoke :as a cool wind blows through my hair on the beach, and I hear the distant sound of small waves washing up on shore.

Blowing Trees :in the distant outdoors, while I lie awake at night in my bed next to the window.

Honey Suckles :as I walk briskly and impatiently down the wooden path that will lead me to my own private retreat...the Sound up ahead peaking through the bluffs as I decend.

Rose Pettles :from my Aunt Susie's garden while her dog barks, eager to capture my attention.

Robins Nests with Blue Speckled Eggs :in our outdoor fixtures when I walk up the steps to the porch on a warm sunny day.

Raspberries :as I pluck each juicy berry from its thorny habitat, being careful not to prick my fingers or fall out of step... I wear my big straw hat and button up RL shirt with the sleeves rolled, to keep from burning my bikini clad body as I pick with delight near the country road.

Salt Water :as I take a deep inhale of the Bay breeze, hear the loud motor of a wave runner in the channel and slowly rock with the motion of the waves beneath me.

Hit List...

My favorite musica at the exact moment that you are reading this...
(In random i-Tunes order)

Collide -Howie Day
Bubbletoes -Jack Johnson
Another Shade of Green -John Mayer
Tracing -John Mayer
Lifelines -John Mayer
All or Nothing At All -Diana Krall
Old Dirt Hill, Bring That Beat Back -Dave Mathews Band
Por Ti Volare -Andrea Boccceli
Orinary People -John Legend
Since You've Been Gone -Kelly Clarson (only the acoustic version by my BRO is better)
Take Your Mama -Scissor Sisters
Posters -Jack Johnson
The Girl From Ipanema -Antonio Carlos Jobim
Luxury Cococure -Maxwell
Prelude To A Kiss -Miles Davis & Ella Fitzgerald
That really slow & depressing song on the Evanescence CD
Flake -Jack Johnson
Bar Song -Jack Zerby
Title & Registration -Death Cab 4 Cutie
DC Sleeps Alone -The Postal Service
The Return To Oz -Scissor Sisters
I'll Take You On -Howie Day
Come Away With Me -Nora Jones
Holla Back -Gwen Stefani
Inaudable Melodies -Jack Johnson

Dining Solo

Have you ever gone out to a NYC restaurant completely and utterly...Alone? I'm talking dateless, companionless, partnerless, compadre-less...Whatever you want to call it, you are out to eat all by yourself? Well until last Friday afternoon, I would have answered,"NO WAY! Not for me!"
And meant it.

Now I know its like a cat being scared of a mouse, but there are some things that I have just never felt totally comfortable doing..even the IDEA of eating alone while out at a public place meant for socializing throws me into a slight panic. This is why I HAD to stand up to myself one afternoon when I had nothing better to do and was utterly STARVING for some good food. I saw it as a challenge and felt it was the perfect opportunity to conquer my fear of dining solo.

I picked a deliciously cozy french restaurant around the corner from my subway stop as the scene of the crime. Where I knew the owner would recognize me and hopefully treat me a little delicately when he saw that I was sans-friends. Hey, if I was going to take a stand I might as well do it with as much comfort as possible, right? As I entered, I noticed the few people lunching at nearby tables giving me what was to be the first of many glances. I breathed a sigh of relief when my eyes rested on that of the french owner's from Normandy. Altho his tone and mannerisms were abrupt and often bordered unfriendly, I hoped today he would take pity on me and show his softer side, which he first exuded by shaking my hand and showing me to my seat.
"Just you today?" He asked, "Yes, one for lunch please."
It felt good to say it aloud.

"Hmmmm, well I'm not yet sure what I'd like to eat, but I know I'd LOVE a glass of chardonnay to start!" Nothing like a few sips of some good french wine to put me in the Self-Pampering mood. Next: Order something you've never had before! All these "firsts" today... damn, I was attacking my comfort zone head on!

One of the things I noticed myself doing in my not-yet-quite-comfortable state was shifting my crossed legs from one side to the other. Maybe it was a nervous habbit I had picked up, or maybe it had to do with the "subtle" stares I was receiving from other customers who, in my mind, I imagined were thinking I had either been stood up for a date, or, by some freak of nature, was actually a single...girl...in Manhattan...eating...alone....

Another thing I noticed while enjoying my meal, was how amazingly GOOD every bite of food tasted. Simple bread and butter was to die for, although I will admit that this classy joint did have exceptional standards. I also had time to really focus on what I was eating and was in no rush at all to clean plate. This is coming from a girl who takes an extra 20 minutes more than any other "normal" person's mealtime and is used to feeling the pressures of speeding up the process.

I think the real "Feel Good" feelings came when I was over with my meal and sat, patiently, sipping the last of my white chardonnay and awaited my check. It was MINE. No date was going to swoop in to pick it up. No friend was going to paw at it with a twenty...I had earned it, and admittingly, enjoyed it. There was some sense of empowerment and liberation that came from my own private lunch outting. I felt that if I could survive this experience, there were no more limits or boundaries on what I could do. The possibilities unfolded in front of me...Central Park, The Met, a Concert, even a vacation! All of these things I no longer needed to wait for someone more experienced to take me with.

A while back someone once said to me, "Alanna- You have it all...a professional job in your major, a NYC apartment, a boyfriend..." Well, I'm not so sure about all that, and especially that last part these days, but I do have something that is first and foremost...I have independence.

My Wish List

This posting was inspired by another e-blogger's wish list that I came across the other day. Thats when I realized, I wish for so many things in my life, some realistic and attainable, and some...well, some not so practical, but wonderful and brilliant just the same...

I Wish For...

a year's supply of Cadbury's milk chocolate (imported from the UK of course)
a year's membership to New York Sports Clubs
motivation to hit the gym steadily for an entire year
confidence and trust in myself and my abilities
courage to break out of my comfort zone on my own, and discover new things about myself
perfectly sun-streaked blonde hair (that doesnt come from a bottle)
sparklers on the 4th of July
self acceptance
stilletos that feel like butter with every step down NYC streets
courage to be myself AT ALL TIMES
strength to stand up for myself
an accomplice or partner in crime
a loud and obvious "Women's Intuition"
an "OFF" switch on my brain when its time to go to sleep
my very own winged pony to fly me to my favorite childhood memories
Christmas music that is allowed to be played all year
people to stop staring at me when I'm listening to my iPod (ok, ok, singing aloud to my iPod...ahem, I mean bopping around on the street corner to my iPod)
certain people to be exactly how I need them to be
willpower to lose 10 pounds
the realization that I am my own boss
John Mayer.....period.
our society to quite telling us what our standards of beauty should be
all the hungry models of the world to be fed
a musician boyfriend
knowing exactly what I want and what will make me happy
knowing myself
romance
a long personal letter from Sarah with an "H"
thin, lean arms (meaty chunks zapped)
that magical winged pony I now have to take me on visits to all my friends around the globe
our president not to b GWB
fat free cheese to taste as good as regular
acceptance that I will never be exactly where I want to be...and thats OK with me, its just the way it is...
someone to know me as well as I know myself
the Taylor's to be my permenant next door neighbors
a snuggly fluffy kitten (and not have to pay NYC rent for it)
someone to tell me what to do and make all of my decisions
one of Marie's midgets
a peak at my future