Random Reflections
Looking back at the moment, on this past year, I think of all that has happened in my life. It was a year filled with uncertainties and doubts, a year I gave to myself to learn and explore, and most of all, a year filled with true independence. I'm not saying that all my choices were stellar, or even well thought through. But the choices I have made for myself were ones that I felt I would learn from, if even in some small way, and ones that would force me to see the world, meet people, and get mixed up with this crazy city of Manhattan.
Thinking of all the experiences I've had over the past 12 months makes it impossible to admit that it all happened in such a short amount of time. Things truly do move at the speed of light in NYC. The second you think you know someone, and have made a new friend, it is easy to wind up never seeing that person again, vaguely remembering the sound of their voice or the smile on their face. In a city so dense and compact, it is amazing to think of how many you have interacted with, have spoken to, have shared special moments with... I guess it is those who truly have impacted you in some way that stick around, lingering in the back of your mind, saturating your thoughts.
I have always thought I was the girl who would see and do it all.. well almost all... before I settled down. Could say I've done this, or recall a time I've done that, like that would help me to be well rounded and have an opinion that was valid and real on life. Now, after really living... Well really living by my standard of such a statement...I am not so sure that these thoughts were correct.
Doing it all and seeing it all are things I've always wanted. I was always ready to take on the world... Always wanted to do EVERYTHING, and ambitious to embrace life. But for some reason there is something in my head telling me that this may not be what I really want. Not my real answer. Maybe what I really want is to find my niche, find my groove, find where I belong... My place... In this world. Find where I can say I am content, and I fit in.
I do not know what 2006 holds for me. Right now it is an endless sea of opportunities and options. Choices for me to make all over the board. But hopefully, I will make these choices based on the faith that I know myself, and know (if even subconsciously) where my true place and serene haven is in this world. Maybe now, after using this past year to explore the many options in my life, I will continue to explore, with a higher sense of self and more secure feeling of who I am, what I am looking for, and where, in the end, I'd like to wind up.
But these are all random thoughts and ramblings... It is 2 days away from Christmas and time to concentrate on my wonderful season of cheer... Off I go to shop for the most perfect presents and put these thoughts of uncertainty on the backburner for another day, such as New Years, where they better belong.
Thinking of all the experiences I've had over the past 12 months makes it impossible to admit that it all happened in such a short amount of time. Things truly do move at the speed of light in NYC. The second you think you know someone, and have made a new friend, it is easy to wind up never seeing that person again, vaguely remembering the sound of their voice or the smile on their face. In a city so dense and compact, it is amazing to think of how many you have interacted with, have spoken to, have shared special moments with... I guess it is those who truly have impacted you in some way that stick around, lingering in the back of your mind, saturating your thoughts.
I have always thought I was the girl who would see and do it all.. well almost all... before I settled down. Could say I've done this, or recall a time I've done that, like that would help me to be well rounded and have an opinion that was valid and real on life. Now, after really living... Well really living by my standard of such a statement...I am not so sure that these thoughts were correct.
Doing it all and seeing it all are things I've always wanted. I was always ready to take on the world... Always wanted to do EVERYTHING, and ambitious to embrace life. But for some reason there is something in my head telling me that this may not be what I really want. Not my real answer. Maybe what I really want is to find my niche, find my groove, find where I belong... My place... In this world. Find where I can say I am content, and I fit in.
I do not know what 2006 holds for me. Right now it is an endless sea of opportunities and options. Choices for me to make all over the board. But hopefully, I will make these choices based on the faith that I know myself, and know (if even subconsciously) where my true place and serene haven is in this world. Maybe now, after using this past year to explore the many options in my life, I will continue to explore, with a higher sense of self and more secure feeling of who I am, what I am looking for, and where, in the end, I'd like to wind up.
But these are all random thoughts and ramblings... It is 2 days away from Christmas and time to concentrate on my wonderful season of cheer... Off I go to shop for the most perfect presents and put these thoughts of uncertainty on the backburner for another day, such as New Years, where they better belong.
posted by alannajoy at 9:11 AM
13 Comments:
sounds like you're growin' up, banana! don't worry, each of us makes our own place in this world. i'm sure yours is full of chocolate, hair twirling, and tongue biting.
Well, even when you find what you want, don't stop searching. Otherwise, stagnation. I don't see you letting yourself stay in a rut though.
Hey! Don't you be making fun of my bad habbits B! Those r things I'm working to kick! PS- Chat date tonite eh?
GG: You are right... Thx for the advice, and true, part of my writing about these thoughts is so I do not get stuck in a rut!
So what have you learned in that New York minute?
I think that without these dreams of seeing the world, experiencing something new that you've never experienced before, there wouldn't be much point in living. It's part of growing, to incorporate something new with the old. If you have doubts that experiencing something new isn't for you, what will you do?
You say that you have a plethora of options and opportunites for what your future has in store for you. Correct me if I am wrong, for some reason, I get this inkling that you're considering leaving the city. Moving on. Is this what you're alluding to?
Actually, I didn't know there was anything wrong with chocolate. How can that be a bad habit? What would we do if we didn't have a box of chocolates to compare life with?
Oh wow, I really am going to have a list this new years. I have so many things I need to do.
cool post. you've really got me thinking.
banana! i've been trying to catch you to chat, but i've been working late nights. blame the holidays. anyway, don't give up yet!
Give up! Who? Me? Why... Never...
Merry Xmas B! Don't work too hard and hopefully one night soon we shall chitty chat it up!
Good tidings to you...
ajoy
Hey baby, merry christmas.
Alanna -Know the feeling. Which piece moves next. Don't sweat the small stuff babe, 2k6 is on the way.
We all have so much more to learn and do.
And from what I read here, I can see you're doing a great job. Stick with it.
*hugs*
- Neo
merry xmas alanna! i know the decisions you make in 2006 will be the right ones, and even if they're not, i think life's fun happens in our wrong turns!!
i think marissa is right. a friend's dad once told me: good judgement is based on experience, which is based on bad judgement.
A.Joy,
I'm with you; maybe 2006 is the Year of The Niche. Or maybe it's How A.Joy Got Her Groove Back. Good thoughts, though. Here's to many more adventures.
Hope your Christmas was great. Sad it's over...
sounds like how I was feeling in the past year. I had accomplished so much I felt, and thought I was doing everything I had wanted...but something was missing and I still felt lost. Then I picked up and moved...not that this is any easier...but I can relate to that trying to find what it's all about.
Post a Comment
<< Home